Antiques Freaks

099 Weird Customer Tales

The holiday shopping hellscape is upon us! In honor of the season, please enjoy our weirdest customer encounters in 15+ years of selling antiques. Ghost-generating engines, celebrities, possible space aliens, and more!

098 Antiques Fraud! Victorian Corpse Photography

According to Buzzfeed, everyone photographed in the 19th century was secretly dead the whole time. The truth is somewhat murkier. From Dr. Minovici's forensic Frankenstein to "hidden mother" portraits and the ice-box incident, the Antiques Freaks dive into the ghastly Victorian habit of post-mortem photography. Posing stand not provided.

097 Swizzle Sticks

Jazz up your mixed drinks with swizzle sticks! They come in every shape, size, and color from skulls and spines to swords and Spear-It! All the joy of sorting through bags of conversation hearts with none of the hassle of eating chalk!

096 The Forbidden Smelvin

Once upon a time, the Smelvin tractor company drew up plans for a magnificent tractor - and then, for reasons unknown, failed to manufacture it. Years later, one enterprising antique tractor collector unearthed these blueprints and decided he would make the forgotten Smelvin a reality. The resulting beautiful Frankenstein's monster of a tractor would tear the tractor collecting community apart. Assuming, of course, that the Forbidden Smelvin ever existed in the first place. Can we really trust r/hobbydrama? Or is this tale of tractor terror just another creepypasta? Take a side in the firetruck/tractor wars this week on Antiques Freaks!

095 Vintage Fashion with Holli from Suffragette City Vintage!

Why are vintage clothes so small? How do we defeat the moth menace? And what even is rayon? Never fret! Holli is here to answer all our questions about vintage fashion and more! And be sure to check out Holli's shop in person at Suffragette City Vintage and online at etsy.com/shop/nonasuch

094 Beistle Halloween Decorations

Prepare yourself for the Halloween elf! Spice up your Halloween party with the riddle of the Brazil nut! It's vintage paper goods all the way down!

DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUT OUR CROSSOVER EPISODE WITH TERRIBLE BOOK CLUB! (Episode 70 - Crimson Peak: The Official Movie Novelization)

093 Haunted Dolls

Chucky, Annabelle, and Robert the Doll have nothing on the extremely haunted clown we just sold on eBay.

092 Antiques Fraud! Vampire-Hunting Kits

Be the Blade you want to see in the world! According to legend, Victorians crazed with vampire fever assembled holy water, stakes, mirrors, and crucifixes to combat the children of the night. Or did they? (No.) That won't stop Sotheby's and Christie's from hawking hoaxes at jaw-dropping prices. Dracula, Carmilla, and Varney the Vampire (Or; The Feast of Blood) combined can't take down the spooky gothic trade of vampire-hunting kits! Sunlight not included.

091 Bottoming Out

Millennials are killing the antiques industry! Nobody appreciates "brown" furniture! Prices slashed up to 80% off! Even mid-century modern won't sell now! The New York Times is in a panic and it's up to the Antiques Freaks to get to the bottom of this vintage predicament.

SOURCES - How Low Will Market for Antiques Actually Go? & When the Antiques Have to Go, published in The New York Times.

090 Bitters Bottles

Just a spoonful of bitters makes the alcohol technically medicine! Join us in learning about this highly sought-after sub-genre of the vintage and antique bottle collecting scene.

089 Frozen Charlotte

In 19th century Germany, porcelain baby dolls are made. In 19th century America, a dubious newspaper article is written. When these creative efforts combine, the end result is a Victorian creepypasta for the young and gay and thoughtless. It's Frozen Charlotte! (With her beau Frozen Charlie along for the ride!)

088 The Goldfinch (2019)

25% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes! Slavic androgynous Bette Davis! But most important of all, how are the antiques? Dee loved it, Ken hated it, it's time to review the box-office poison adaptation of the Pulitzer prize-winning novel by Donna Tartt: The Goldfinch (2019).

087 Danger! Corsets

Cons: permanent warping of ribcage and spine, increased risk of pneumonia, aggravated gastro-intestinal issues, weakening of abdominal muscles, rheumatoid arthritis in rib cartilage, death. Pros: looks good on everyone regardless of gender or body shape! We tell you the risks of 19th century fashion, and let you decide whether or not to run out to your local Hot Topic and stock up in time for Halloween.

086 Decorative Electricity: The Final Chapter

1891. We return, once again, to Mrs. J. E. H. Gordon's fantastical book, Decorative Electricity (with a Chapter on Fire Risks), for the as-of-yet unheard epilogue. Paddington Station gets electrified. Dynamos are real and also basically volcanoes. Bears remain highly controversial. And through it all, Mrs. Gordon is here to guide us with her own peculiar brand of Victorian sass.

085 Hepplewhite

It's our very first antiques cryptid! George Hepplewhite, the mothman of cabinet-makers. Alice Hepplewhite, the sandhill crane of cabinet-makers. And Sheraton, the extremely bitter conspiracy theorist with Chapstick in his pocket. Of cabinet-makers. Learn all about a furniture maker so fiercely private he may never have existed. With bonus snark regarding the "Lost" Colony of Roanoke.

084 The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

Explosions! Drugs! Art theft! But most importantly, antiques! It's all there in this 2014 Pulitzer prize winning novel shortly to become a major motion picture. From cutting up lines with your Christie's card to lovingly refurbishing Queen Anne highboys, there's only one solution: be gay, do crimes.

083 Sad Irons

Turn that frown upside-down and learn how these irons got so danged sad. It probably has something to do with the highly flammable fuel tank. Or the extremely impractical swan-on-swan design. Or maybe it's just because it took us until the 20th century to put steam in the darn things. Who can say, really.

082 Christie's Official History

It's the one that's not Sotheby's. Behold the fifty-five slide Powerpoint presentation of the Official History of Christie's Auction House as presented on their actual website. Watch in amazement as they break every existing auction record that they just made up and also coincidentally want us to note the French Revolution for no particular reason. Welcome, dear listener, to Christie's Histories, a Christory full of Christie's Mysteries.

081 Cast Iron Banks

You wanna know where the real money is? BANKS! From Tammany Hall to Bill Cypher and everywhere in between, we cover 19th and 20th century cast iron banks. (Thanks to listener Stephen for suggesting this episode topic! Sorry about all the vaping.)

080 Victorian Solarpunk: FERNS!

Behold the glorious solarpunk futurepast! Urban gardening flourishes in 19th century England. We've got rhododendrons, roses, and toxic smog. Time to invent the Wardian case and come down with a nasty infection of pteridomania. In conclusion, ferns. See also: the Crystal Palace.